Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Beautiful Funeral

The trip up to Idaho was very windy. There was a strong head wind which slowed us down a little. I was worried about us transporting Al's body by ourselves. But there were no mishaps. It made me think of the movie "Weekend at Bernies". I'm thankful our trip was not that adventurous.....
We stayed in a hotel so that the kids would get some sleep and so that our family could have quiet time if we needed. Teresa and Randy flew in from Wisconsin. It was a lot of fun to have them there. I haven't seen Randy in a long time. I love his sense of humor and laugh. Teresa is also a riot. We were getting the kids ready for a Halloween party out at our old church in View since we missed it here in Parker and Teresa decided to try on her sons outfit. Apprently she found an old cowboy costume in Alan's things that she had stored at her house. It fit her son pefectly so she used it. Rob got a picture and posted it on FB. :0) Against her wishes, I might add. LOL
I felt pretty numb the whole time. I wasn't emotional. I wasn't anything. I was trying to enjoy the time with the family. We took my mom shopping for a new dress and it almost felt normal until I remembered what the dress was for. We had some good talks, though.
Saturday morning, the day of the funeral, I woke up to dark , dreary, cold clouds. It was heavily overcast. On the drive to the View church I prayed that if it was possible that the sun come out for at least the time we were outside for the dedication of the gravesite. I looked for any opening in the clouds wondering if there was sun anywhere. We went inside for the funeral. I was pleasantly surprised to see so many family members that had made the long trip to be there. There were also friends from long ago that came. People from our old ward in View came. Rob's brother and sister and my father-in-law came, as well. That meant a lot to me. It was so good to see everyone.
My mom gave the life sketch and we laughed at some of the things Alan had done. He was one who lived without fear. LOL I was reminded of the time he graduated from HS and after he got his diploma he did a backflip in his robe. That was totally Alan. :0) My dad got up and told us how much he loved Alan. He told some experiences he had with him. He said that he wanted all of his kids with him in the Celestial Kingdom. Even if it meant he had to go to hell to get one of us. He said, "You better believe I'm comin' for you." Emi read her poem and was so nervous but she did it. I sang a song for Alan. At first I was going to sing "Come Thou Fount" but I thought it might be too churchy for Al. The lyrics of this other song kept going over and over in my head and I knew that I had to sing it. It described Alan perfectly. The Lyrics are as follows:


Love Will Find You There
No one left to fool. Every wall you've built is gone.
You don't know what to do to get off the path you're on.
You are questioning the very truths you've believed in all along.
Looking back on how it used to be, you wonder what went wrong.
But deep inside your heart there is a prayer.
Love will find you there.
Living with the pain from the choices you have made.
Knowing how to change, but believing it's too late.
Every path you take convinces you that you don't know who you are.
But a voice inside is telling you, you've never gone too far.
Whispering a promise of a prayer,
Love will find you there.
There's a broken heart that's healing.
There's a life that has been changed.
There are answers to the prayers that you have prayed.
When you're sure your soul can't make it one more day,
love will find you there and light your way.
One who knows your heart and sees what you can't see
has been there from the start and believes in what you'll be.
He will shine a light through every darkest field you'll ever know.
His arms are reaching out to you through the ones that love you so.
He will hear your heart's unspoken prayer that
love will find you there.
Love will find you.

Then my Uncle Mark gave a talk and the kids sang "I am a child of God." The Bishop of that ward spoke a little and gave us peace. He also talked about free agency. Also Teresa and Bob and I got up and told some of our memories. Spring had sent us an email with her memories and I talked Teresa into getting up to read it. She wasn't going to go up at all, but she did and she did great. It was a great funeral as far as funerals go.
We headed outside and I was so happy to see that a part had opened up right above the mountain for the sun to shine through! My prayer had been answered. We went to the cemetary. It was warmer with the sun shining. My husband dedicated the grave site. My mom was handed a United States flag for service rendered in the Army. Everyone came up and hugged my parents. As soon as we were done, the clouds closed up again and it started to rain. Another tender mercy from my loving Heavenly Father.
We went back to the church and had a wonderful lunch prepared for us. We talked with family and friends we hadn't seen for a long time.
Now we are home again. Coming home was a huge dose of reality. Last night I was very sad and cried. Even with everything I know, it still isn't easy. I mourn that he lived such a sad and troubled life. I mourn the time we all lost with him because he distanced himself from the family. I am going to continue to pray for him even though he is on the other side. I pray that he will find the peace and happiness that he couldn't find here.
I need to say "Thank You!" to everyone that has reached out to me, to everyone that has helped take care of my kids and the pets, to everyone that has told me memories of Alan. I am so blessed to know so many amazing people!
BLOGGING is cheap therapy. :0)

1 comment:

Grandma Baker said...

What a special tender mercy to receive the day of the funeral. We can get small things if we just ask for them.