Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Stunned



Today was a hard day. These are the pictures we took of Al's car. He was obviously killed instantly. He was also thrown from the vehicle. We were able to see his body today, as well. They prepared us extensively before we saw him that the damage to his body was very bad. They were not able to make him look like himself, but they were able to put his face somewhat back together. Depsite that, I knew that I had to see him for the closure it would provide me. It will be a closed-casket funeral but we are getting a very nice picture to put up of him, the one that I used for his obituary. As we were viewing his body, I did not feel his presence at all. I did feel that he was very upset that we were seeing him in that shape. Most times, at funerals, I will get the feeling that the spirit is standing close by. Not with Al. I did feel his presence when we went to see the car. I cried because I felt that he was upset that his most prized possessions, the things he had saved throughout the years, his memories, were going to be discarded. We weren't able to get much out due to the condition of the car, but we did find some great things he had saved. We are going to use some of them as a tribute at the funeral.
I have been feeling that I want to take very good care of him during this process. I wanted him to be dressed in some nice clothes even though no one will see him. So we went and bought a white shirt, tie and some dress pants. I wanted the funeral to be special. I am singing a song for him. While he lived with me, he would sometimes come out and listen to me play the piano and sing, so even though it will be very difficult, I want to sing for him. I want him to see that we loved him in life and in death. I want him to know that he was just as important as everyone else. That his actions in life didn't make him any less or any less deserving of our love and respect.
We are leaving tomorrow to transport his body to Idaho. I won't be back until next Tuesday. I will share more as time allows and as I feel the need to help me deal with this loss. I was told today by someone very dear to Al that he had a special place in his heart for me, that he loved me very much. I needed to hear that. It means more to me than they will ever know, because he couldn't say it to me, but he said it to someone and that means alot to me.


8 comments:

Anonymous said...

One thing that you need to remember, what will be in the casket and be buried in View is not what made Alan who he is. That special thing that made him Alan is still alive and out there. And believe me, he will be at his funeral. As much as I know anything, I know that this is true.
Jaren

Brenda said...

Travel safe. You have all (Alan included) been in my thoughts and prayers this week. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug and cry with you. I know his spirit will be there with you during all of this. Sending my love!

Tom said...

Kristina ~ I hate that we had to meet again under these circumstances but i just wanted to let you know that Alan is such a lucky guy to have you as his sister, just as i was to have him as what i considered to be a best friend for so long in high school. Aunte all else, i am so happy that Al now has no doubts about how much we all care for him. I have thought about him from time to time over the past years but was only able to chat with him twice since high school. Both times i was happy to see that he was still a great friend and had remained true to himself. As both fellow and now, former soldiers, i hope that we can also remember how true he was to his country as well. Obviously God must have needed a great friend and i am sure that he picked the best person for the job. - Tom Balgord

Becky said...

Kris, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. My prayers are with you. I'm always here if you need to talk.

Millie Motts said...

Kris, I'm so sorry. Love and prayers across the miles for all of you.
Gina

Adam and Debbie said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. We're thinking of you and your family.

wade said...

Kris, thank you for sharing your experience with us all. I remember Alan as a great lover of fun. He was playful and was the one who taught me to knee board when I was 11, when we came to visit you guys in East Troy for a family reunion. He has had a positive place in my memory and always will. I hope to mke the funeral.

Love you cuz! Hang in there!

Wade

Jamie said...

You are a beautiful singer. You did a great job.