Angel #2

A picture that was posted on Facebook by a friend made me think of my second angel. First, the background. I was 15 and going into my sophomore year when we moved from Idaho to Wisconsin. I was anorexic at the time and my self-esteem was slim to nonexistent. I developed a love for volleyball and tried out for the team in Wisconsin. I made starting team! But the girls that had lived there their whole life were not too happy because one of their friends got cut. They blamed me. That made life very interesting. I was playing volleyball with a group of girls that hated me. But I stuck with it. One in particular singled me out because rumor had it that her boyfriend said he thought I was cute. She would trip me in the halls, call me names, throw basketballs at my head in PE, write naughty names on my locker, shove me into lockers and so forth. That first year in a new school was hell. But in comes my angel...

This angel was my Sunday school teacher. She was always so upbeat and positive and taught me that if I didn't feel confident I just needed to fake it until I make it. She was always encouraging me to try new things and put myself out there. That was pretty terrifying for me and still is, but I tried out for the school musical because of her encouragement and got the lead role. She came to my musicals and supported me any way she could. She had 6 children of her own and her marriage was falling apart, but she never acted like it was a burden or too much trouble to support me. She went beyond her calling and cared for me. She eventually became my Laurel advisor and I feel that it was a direct blessing from Heavenly Father that she continue to be put in a place where she could influence me. It was the summer before my Senior year. I was homesick for Idaho. I missed my friends desperately. Well, she picked up on this and invited me to go on a road trip with her and some of her kids. They were headed West for some reason, I don't really remember, but she offered to drive out of her way to drop me off in Idaho so that I could see all my friends before we all graduated. It was amazing to me! Then she picked me up and we went sight-seeing in Yellowstone on the way home and stayed in Jackson Hole. It was a blast. One of the highlights of my life. But her influence didn't stop there. She encouraged me all through my Senior year and helped me with my Laurel project and gave me the confidence to put on a talent show for the ward. She would take me shopping with her girls and treated me like her own daughters. She was always telling me how cute I was and trying to dress me up in something other than frumpy clothes....poor woman had her work cut out for her. :) I eventually overcame my anorexia. When I went off to college she had me drive with her boys so that I was watched out for.

She eventually got divorced. But she never once complained about her life or what was happening. She made me feel like I was a priority and worth her time. I can't hardly believe it when I look back now. Doesn't she seem too good to be true?

What I took from her was the desire to go the extra mile in my callings. I want people to know that I genuinely love them and would do anything for them, not just because I am their Visiting Teacher or the Beehive advisor...but because I care about them as a person. I don't always have as much time as I would like to be there for them, but I try to do what I can. I also try to see the positive in everything and try not to complain about anything. I also fake my confidence and hopefully after 20 years I'm a little closer to making it than faking it. :) I love her dearly and I hope she knows how much she means to me and that she made a huge difference in my life. I wish I could repay her, but I will probably just have to pay it forward to some one else.

Has this angel ever crossed your path? Thanks for stopping by! :) Krissi

BONEHEAD

Sometimes I say some pretty boneheaded things. For example...once I said, in all seriousness, "Cupcakes are like little mini cakes." Yes...those words actually came out of my mouth. Or sometimes I will say something I think is funny and if I don't get the response I was looking for the first time, I will repeat myself. Still no response. Well, maybe if I say it ONE more time...nope. I usually try to pass it off as "I'm a Blond" behavior, but it can only go so far.

I also do some pretty boneheaded things. Like one time I was at a friend's house. This friend and I are just starting to get to know each other and I think she was testing the waters to see if she actually wanted to pursue a friendship with me. Well, my daughter, Bella, was stinky and I hadn't thought to bring the diaper bag. It never fails. Your children always poop when you don't bring the diaper bag. So I asked if I could borrow a diaper from her. She just happened to have one, even though she had potty-trained her youngest. So I proceeded to change Bella, but I did it on her coffee table not even thinking that my friend might be horribly offended by it. I realized it while I was changing Bella, but what do you say at a moment like that? "Oh, sorry, I hope you don't eat off your coffee table!" So I say nothing and act like it was the most normal thing in the world. I DID wipe the table off with a wipe just to make sure it was clean. MORTIFIED!

But here is the thing...once I do or say something boneheaded, I play it over and over in my mind, working myself up into a tizzy thinking that CERTAINLY no one would want to be my friend after saying or doing something so stupid. Am I alone in this? Is this a female thing? Are there any men out there that do this, too? Looking for some perspective. What's that saying? "It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt." That is Mark Twain. My new motto.

This was my deep thought for today! :)

Krissi

DEEP THOUGHTS from the SHOWER

I do not get much quiet time during my day. I don't regret it or resent it. It is simple fact. So I have found that I cherish my shower time. It is quiet, the water is warm, I feel clean, renewed, refreshed. So it makes sense that THAT is the place where I receive the most inspiration. I first learned that I would have twins during shower time. I thought Heavenly Father was joking until the ultrasound proved it to be true. There have been many other things that I have learned through my shower time. Many of the things I have been pondering about and writing about come from there. So I am curious..where are you when you receive your inspiration?

One of the things I have been feeling lately has to do with my children. I have learned so much about the nature of our Heavenly Father by being a parent myself. Right now I am dealing with a teenager and a pre-teen. It is like one day they just turn on you and you don't recognize them anymore. So the thing that struck me in the shower today was this little parallel:

I have raised my children from babies, taught them, watched them learn and grow and I have a pretty good idea of who they are and what they are capable of. I have seen their talents and listened to their fears and desires. Now Jason is rebelling and testing the boundaries. He has become very angry and ornery and won't say a kind word to anybody. I want to shake him and say, "This is NOT who you are! I love you and want what is best for you. Why are you fighting against me?" It then struck me that Heavenly Father feels the same way. He knows who each one of us is, what we are capable of, what are talents are. Sometimes we fight against him. We have forgotten who we are and are trying to figure it out on our own. He lovingly says to us, "I love you, I want what is best for you, why are you fighting against me?" He watches us make mistakes and picks us back up, but always, ALWAYS, He loves us and will keep trying to help us. That is how I feel about my children. I would do anything for them, I will always love them and be there for them. I now understand better what my parents have been going through and dealing with for many years, when I, at times, would judge and say, "Why do you put up with that?"

As my children are growing so quickly, I feel a sense of urgency and I am questioning myself, wondering if I have taught them everything they will need to know to become amazing adults. I am questioning if I have instilled in them the knowledge that I LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY. I am wondering if they have all of the tools necessary to heal from the mistakes I have made as a parent. I want to hold them, love them, spend every minute I can with them. I pray that I have not wasted the time I have been given with them and have not spent that time on things that are of no importance.

Thanks for joining me in my deep thought from the shower today.

Krissi :)